Are you READY? With JellyBean's BIRTHday quickly approaching, Josh and I get this question daily. It kind of makes me laugh but it also makes my heart race and blood pressure rise! Emotionally, I think so. Physically, Absolutely! Literally, hmmmm.... For a Type A Perfectionist who obsesses over details- the nursery is a NIGHTMARE! I know, I know...that baby won't know or care what the nursery looks like! All my plans for creating the "perfect" nursery went out the window when we up and moved. Now that were renting and plan on getting out of here as soon as we can-and the fact I poop out before I get my shoes tied- it's difficult to be inspired to do anything with the house! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at all bitter that I'm having to skip out on the crafts and creating that I thought would fill the months in preparation for Baby's arrival! But, at least we have the necessities! The rest is sure to follow...soon I hope!
"Arise, Shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you!" Isaiah 60:1
I wasn't prepared to read this verse in Isaiah this morning. I can't recall if I've ever heard it before and if I have, it didn't move me like it did this morning. As soon as I read over the verse, my mind immediately went to a favorite childhood song...
"This little light of mine- I'm going to let it shine!"…Well, I can't hear this sweet song without thinking of Bailey…arms flailing through the air, doing her very best to make her little pointer finger stand alone. And her favorite part-jerking her hand back down, pouting out her lip, and shaking her head during "don't let Satan blow it out!" Quite comical for anyone watching and quite dangerous for anyone standing in swinging distance. She loved this song. She loved to sing. She loved to dance….
And just like that uncontrollable tears roll down my cheeks and sadness floods my soul. I miss her. And knowing our child/children will not know their Aunt on this side of Heaven is a thought that breaks my heart into one million pieces. Just like weddings, birthdays, holidays, and every day ending in "y"- even the happiest of times are left with a void that simply can't be filled. Bailey LOVED all things baby! And it's undeniable that she would be BEYOND ecstatic to become an aunt!
It's always bothered me that the friends and family that have come to be over the past 6years- especially Josh and Brandi- never had the chance to meet Bailey personally. I've questioned God's timing (again and again) on why He chose to not let the people Jacob and I love the most and will spend forever with experience our family "before." But, also to experience the darkest most difficult time in our lives with us- or at least have more of an understanding of where were coming from. I know, I know, there is a reason- but I just think it would have made it a little easier…She is such a huge part of shaping me, our family, our thoughts, our faith, our traditions, well, everything- into who and what we are. As hard as I try, there is no way to fully communicate all there is to know...But more than anything I wish they could have known the joy, silliness, and genuine love that we were blessed to feel.
God's love and grace shined vividly through that brown eyed, freckled faced, snaggle-toothed little girl! And there's so much I want my children to know about their Aunt Bailey. I look forward to teaching them "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it ShInE!"…and pray they will allow God's light to shine brightly through them for all the world to see!
Crazy thing about grief- you never know when it's going to hit or what will spark an outpour of emotion. But as quickly as I was reminded of all the "never to be moments"- God spoke gently though a song playing softly on the radio. It gives me chill bumps! Coincidence? Not hardly...
*The picture is of the plaque by a tree Bailey's classmates planted on her 14th birthday
14:23 Incorporated… "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." Proverbs 14:23
The only way Josh and I are going to be successful in our own business is with A LOT of hard work. It's what both excited Josh and frightened me about jumping at the opportunity to be an independent agent- especially with JellyBean's arrival so quickly approaching. Don't get me wrong, out all my "fears" depending upon Josh to make it happen and get us up and running-is the least of my worries. His work ethic is nothing short of Incredible. And I'm not just saying that as his wife, I hear it all the time from people he has worked for or those who have worked with him. I've always enjoyed seeing him "in the zone"-when talking with co-workers or clients about the oilfield, it's a glimpse into a side of him I'm not used to seeing. (he has to "dumb" it down for me at home) And although I don't typically know everything being discussed, the man knows his stuff and delivers with passion. He also loves a challenge and never gets satisfied within a position or with "success". There is always more to learn, more to do, and new territory to cover. His quite disposition, honesty, and technical mind set is what I think draws people to him. He's not into the whole shmoozing side of sales (although it can't always be avoided) He prefers to "give em' facts and let them buy the product because it's the best for the job- not because I took you golfing or paid for your hunting trip." For now the physical work falls solely on Josh's shoulders- just him. covering 4counties with 80rigs (that's a huge workload for those not familiar with the oilfield) Going from a 7-7pm job with weekends off, vacation time, and the ability to take off whenever he needed/wanted to- going to the dr. with me or when our child is born- to being on call 24hours 7days a week is going to be a HUGE adjustment for all of us! All things "office" are left to me- something I feel completely lost in and hope to have a clue about before baby arrives….
When we were coming up with a name for our business- we recognized God's hand at work in this opportunity and it's important for us to keep Him at the center. We came across Proverbs 14:23 and fell in love with it's truth and simplicity. Above all, we love that this verse not only applies directly to what we are doing- but it applies to everyone in every aspect of our lives..our marriages, our relationships, raising children, careers, and our personal relationships with Christ. If we become satisfied, just give enough to get by, are not willing to put forth hard work or take on challenges-they become dead. Leaving us in a state of spiritual, relational, or literal poverty…With all the change that is taking place in our personal lives, we know that we are going to have to "work hard" in areas that have come natural or easy for the past 5years.
It's been fun to see how God is already using 14:23 Inc. to open doors of unexpected conversations about faith with company men, bankers, insurance agents, and those just curious.…and besides, I like the sound of it!
I love the "One Little Word" concept. And this year instead of choosing my word- it chose me….EMBRACE.Already this one little word has made a profound impact on my new year. My mission statement for the year sounds a little something like this… To embrace the beauty and God's blessings of every single day- no matter where I am or what circumstances I'm facing! To embrace the "little moments" that will never be again. Knowing 2011 holds the life changing event of becoming a mommy- I want to embrace and make the most of the time Josh and I have left as "Throckmorton party of 2." And most of all, to embrace each day with purpose and intent and stop focusing on the things that won't matter in the end.
I miss out on a lot by waiting for "perfection" instead I'm going to embrace the chaos of this beautiful crazy life I've been given... This blog is a testament to my mission statement. It's something I've had on my heart for over a year and I have always had an excuse for not publishing it…"I don't have the perfect name. I don't know how to do all the fancy things to make my page exactly what I want. I'm not good with words and a horrible speller. What if people make fun of me. Do I want to be so vulnerable to others? Those who will read it already know all about me and my life"…I don't know what God has in store for this blog- it may be for nothing more than to keep family and friends posted about the little things happening in our home and of course, updates on the sweet blessing we will welcome in April...I don't know, but I'm doing it! so...WELCOME! Here's a small glimpse into my life...which I believe is best described as "A Royal Ruckus"
